Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

A study conducted by the Kenya National Bureau of Statistics has revealed that Kenyan relationships are not safe. The extent of extramarital affairs in the country, according to the study, reveals that Kenyan men have an average of seven sexual partners while women have at least two in their lifetime.

With the understanding that Kenya is a cheating nation, here are five questions to help you ponder the question of forgiveness when (not if) you find out your partner is cheating.

Have they cheated on other people in the past?

When behaviour is repeated over and over again, it becomes the norm. If your partner has cheated previously and in previous relationships then it's more likely than not that they will cheat again. 

Are you willing to take that risk, knowing what you know?

Why did they cheat?

People and relationships are complicated in general. Sometimes people make mistakes for genuine reasons, so the question to ask is whether your partner made a one-off mistake with seemingly valid reasons that you can tolerate enough to forgive.

Take a moment and walk a mile in their shoes, try to understand their feelings and the situation they were in; would you do the same? If not, do you understand why they did it?

How was the state of your relationship when it happened?

This is an important question to ponder because you are much more likely to forgive if you know that the relationship was an unhappy one. 

However, if the cheating blindsided you but your partner says it was a one-off mistake then you might consider therapy or improving your communication with each other. Spend time together to reacquaint yourself with the person you fell in love with.

Do you trust your partner enough to be sure it won’t happen again?

Trust while a pillar of any relationship is also very fragile. Once broken, it can be hard to fix but it is not an insurmountable issue. Ask for guarantees from your partner so that you can work toward rebuilding trust.

Do they regret what they have done?

A remorseful partner should be even more willing to take steps towards rebuilding than you are.

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